Deep down, I am under no disillusion that I will ever be a Supermum.
Sure I might imagine walking around a park with my fashionable nappy-bag, pushing my lightweight supremely-engineered pram with coffee holder, and decaf soy sitting neatly alongside a trendy waterbottle, with other goods showing I am ridiculously organised. My baby will never cry in public. My hair and makeup will always be done, and I will always be dressed in something Lululemon. This will reinforce my Supermum image and status.
But deep down I know I am not really that person.
I have known about my pregnancy for three days and already I am overwhelmed by all the options out there, intimidated by these Supermums with their successful youtube channels; explaining their even more successful attempts at cloth-nappies and BPA free households. Now, I’m just terrified because a) I don’t know what BPA is b) I don’t know if I can actually stomach de-caf and c) I slept with the electric blanket on last night and then was terrified that I had cooked my unborn feotus.
I’m seemingly not doing very well so far.
The blogs out there have me not even wanting to leave the house. Everything in this universe can apparently cause birth-defects or increase the likely-hood of miscarriage.
So what is a regular coffee drinking, lazy-at-heart, clutzy, Supermum-poser like me to do? I mean, I don’t even do my hair and makeup now. I can barely get out of bed for work on time!
I vow that I will do my best to keep my unborn baby safe, whilst maintaining a very healthy dose of “That is effing ridiculous, women have been having babies for thousands of years, I am not paying any attention to that”, and just trying to stay cool and calm, because surely stress, anxiety and cortisol are worse for my baby than caffeine, peanuts and the occasional hot shower?
Perhaps I’ll be a little more like the “zen hippy-mum” who lets her kids run around naked, who only feeds them the best local organic produce. I’ll be seen walking through town, hair braided with flowers and my child dressed in clothing made out of organic hemp. When my child wants something in the supermarket ilse (healthfood section) we will come to a reasonable agreement without screaming or raising our voices. Yes! Thats me…..
Ha! As if.